Her Suicidal Thoughts
by Queen Amazing
Summary: As Natsume unravels the reason behind her death, he soon realizes the girl he once thought he knew was a completely different person. Will he ever move on from the tragedy he couldn't stop? "I was there when she died!" Sequel to The Bridge of Suicidal R
1. The Beginning Part 1

**Her Suicidal Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**A/N **Holy cow. This is the **sequel **to _The Bridge Of Suicidal. _Use it as a reference. You do not have to read it in order to enjoy this. I separated this chapter into two parts since it was too long and I was too lazy to finish it. D:

P.S. No proofread. Expect lots of grammatical errors.

**Chapter One-  
PART ONE.**

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_People say you never know what you have until it's gone, _

_But truthfully, you knew what you had._

_You just never thought you'd loose it._

_- unknown –_

_._

**THE BEGINNING:  
PRESENT DAY**

_Gone. _

It was the day after the incident I finally realize how the littlest things you have done with someone you lost was the most important.

I remember everything we did together. All the times we bicker like cat and dog. All the times when I'd tease her and she would cry. All of it ….. are _gone_. The memories we've created so hard are now all just in the past. We no longer have a _future_ together. It ended so fast. She did not deserve this fate. But it happened and nobody could've stopped it. Nobody but me.

I still remember the sad expression on her face as she slowly sunk into the deep ocean blue. Why did she have to die? Mikan, _why? _

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**February 13, 20XX **

**8:45 P.M. **

"Pass me a coke."

"No."

"…."

"…."

"Excuse me?"

"…."

I kept my eyes lock on the t.v. screen, completely ignoring my companion sitting beside me. Although the loud bickering of the characters from the television distracted me, I couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes staring right at me. Still, I didn't remove my gaze away from the show.

"You aren't going to say anything, huh?"

"…."

"Ooooh. So now we're playing the silent game, huh? Well two can play this game!"

"…."

There goes the annoying stare, followed by the frequent weird noises coming out of that dreaded big mouth of hers. However, that could never break my silence. I felt her moving back and forth, making a huge ruckus on a small couch. Now that I was thinking about it, why in the world was she sitting next to me? I never let anyone get too close to me. And yet, she always managed to find a way to be right next to me. She needed to go away. And I knew just how to get her to leave me alone.

"If I say something, will you go away?"

I heard a dramatic gasp coming from beside me. Another movement. "Oh my gosh!" she gasp once more. "Finally a word slip from his mouth! Thank the heavens," she said dramatically. I rolled my eyes and nudged her ribs with my elbow. "Now go away, hag," I uttered harshly, still keeping my eyes glued to the screen.

"No."

I felt my forehead crease at her blunt response. "No?"

A girly laughter erupted. "Yup! Not until you look at me!"

Silence.

The only sound that was heard at that very moment was the echoing laughter coming from the television. Even so, I didn't intend to move an inch. My face was held high and straight. My lips were pursed. My hands stuffed inside my black hoodie. My legs spread out on the coffee table in front of me. My eyes, red as blood, glued to the television screen. Everything felt as if it was in slow motion. Yet, something was wrong. I didn't know what it was then, but I knew something was up. At first I thought it was just me, but the nagging feeling wouldn't go away. I should've done something; question her. But I didn't and that reason alone, made me hate myself even more for letting her go so easily.

More silence.

"You know what?" a pause. "I'm going to look for something to eat. Want to come with?" more pause. "Oh wait. You wouldn't want to spend time with little old me, now do you?" a short laugh. "Or if you want-"

"No."

"What?"

Finally, I turned to face her properly. Her deep hazel eyes staring right back at me. Every time I look at her, the first thought that runs through my mind is; annoying. Ever since the day we first met, Mikan has been nothing to me but a loud, fat, nosy, crybaby beast that has some kind of fetish for sweets. But deep inside, I knew Mikan was something more. She was special: way more special than I'll ever be.

I took a deep breath, letting it all out slowly through my nose. My eyes narrowed, as I took my time to think of the right words to say. I was known as the guy with the few words, so whatever I say was always important. But Mikan was different. She didn't take everything I say seriously. It was like she could see through me. And I somewhat hated her for that. However, it was thanks to her, that I was able to find friends. Mikan was like my light. She never gave up on me. She was always _there._

"I'll catch up with you later," I told her in a firm tone, hiding any feeling whatsoever. She stared hard at me for a moment, before nodding.

"Oh.. Okay. I'll see you then," she said with a huge smile that reached her ears. "Don't forget Anna's baking cookies for everyone tonight! We're celebrating Valentine's Day!"

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of that dreaded 'holiday'. How is Valentine's Day even relevant to the rest of the holidays? Why make a day for lovers when they could just express their damn feelings any day? Pointless.

"Bye!"

I blinked twice to see Mikan getting up from the couch, dusting her wrinkled shirt. Her long wavy brown hair flowed down to her waist as she rubbed her eyes with her tiny hand. A loud laughter escaped from her lips as she titled her head to the side.

"What?"

I didn't realize that I was staring the whole time and it only took me a second to narrow my eyes. "Nothing. Go away hag. Your presence is making me hallucinate," I said with a wide smirk.

Mikan pouted childishly. "Hey! I am not a hag!" she defended.

I rolled my eyes and waved a lazy hand at her in response. Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it. Instead, she just smiled and waved back. "See ya," she said.

Turning my attention back to the neglected television, I tried to concentrate once more to the show, but my mind was swirling with thoughts about Mikan. Why was I thinking about her all of a sudden? That nagging feeling was back and it was telling me to stop Mikan. But stop her for what? What the hell was going on?

I wasn't sure if she was still there, but I said it anyway. "I'll see you soon, Mikan."

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**February 13, 20XX**

**11:50 P.M. **

It was in the middle of the night and I was scanning through my bookshelves when it happened. I didn't realize that the conversation we had hours back was the last we'd ever have. She didn't give out any signs! But they were all there. I was just too blind to see it. It didn't occur to me that Mikan was like this. She never told anyone, and nobody ever asked her…

"Natsume! Natsume!"

Just outside of my room, I could hear footsteps and screams. I wrinkled my nose. What were these people doing, running around the hotel halls this late at night? Didn't they know that people were sleeping? For all we know, we might get kicked out because of them.

Suddenly, there were knocks as loud as thunder. "Hyuuga! Open your goddamn door this instant!" "Hurry, Natsume! This is important!" "Natsume!"

There were different voices calling out to me, and each was all filled with nervousness, and worry. At first, I didn't understand what the fuss was about, but when I finally opened the door, seeing two girls crying, one girl on her phone, and two boys running around in circles, I knew that something was up.

I leaned on the ledge of my door, keeping my expression calm. They were all there. Except for one.

"What's going on?" I asked.

The first one to respond was Ruka. He ran a hand through his dirty blond hair, letting his bangs fall, hiding half of his azure blue eye. I tilted my head. For some odd reason, Ruka's eyes were swelling. It seemed as if he had been crying for hours. But for what reason?

"Natsume," he began, cutting off my train of thoughts. "It's Sakura. She's _gone_."

I blinked twice, letting his words sink in. I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked as calmly as I could. I didn't understand what he meant by 'gone'. Maybe that little brat was just off wandering around the city again. I snickered under my breath. "Are you guys worried about her 'exploring' her surroundings again? I told you, she calls herself _the_ _adventurous Mikan_. She probably thinks there's a fluff puff store here and is wandering around, looking for one," I said with a sigh.

Ruka shook his head. "But Natsume. You don't understand. Sakura, she-"

"Go to sleep Ruka. You're all just tired and paranoid."

Ruka rolled his eyes, shaking his head vigorously. I've never seen him acting like this before. He grabbed Imai, who was busy chatting on her phone, and shoved her to me.

"Tell him," Ruka said with a shaky voice. "Tell him what's going on Hotaru."

I narrowed my eyes and glanced to the rest of the group. They all wore the same expression. Even the silent Hotaru Imai.

She tossed me a magazine, which I hadn't realize she was holding until now. I stared blankly at the headline. _How To Deal With Suicidal Thoughts. _What was this? I glanced up with my brow arched. As if she could read my mind, Imai said, "The maids found that stashed underneath Mikan's pillow when they were cleaning up her room."

I nodded, still staring at the cover. But what I didn't understand was why Mikan had such a thing. And then it occurred to me….

"You don't think Mikan ..."

Imai stared at her shoes and remained silent. I dropped the magazine onto the ground and glared hard at it. I shook my head. No. That was impossible. Mikan wouldn't… She couldn't… She was the happiest girl alive! She loved life too much to let it go.

"I'm going to look for her." I pushed myself off of my doorway and passed through the crowd.

"Wait! Natsume! We'll go with you!"

But I had to go alone. I had to get there fast before it was too late. Mikan needed me but I didn't realize. Why was I so stupid to not see the fact that she was hurting? God. This was my fault.

I raced through the stairs, thinking only about Mikan. Suddenly, all of the memories we had together came running back to my mind like a broken record player. I didn't pay any attention to where I was going. I just needed to find Mikan. Wherever she was at. I would find her.

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_End of Part 1 _

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**A/N **Heeeeey! Long time no see. This is the first chapter, part one, of _Her Suicidal Thoughts. _Please give me your honest opinion! I can take harsh criticisms. I did not proofread so if you caught any mistakes please let me know! I _tried_ making Natsume sound Natsume if you know what I mean but eh. I think I failed. Oh well. :3

I think my readers do not deserve to suffer the long wait so I'll update every two days! This story will consist of at least 10 chapters. Each will be long. [hopefully] And it will be on Natsume's POV since he's trying to 'unravel' Mikan's suicidal thoughts [hence the title] Since Mikan is already dead in this story, don't expect any POV from her. However, she will be mentioned a lot with 'past events' and whatnot. I can't just leave her out. :3 Remember, if you haven't read _The Bridge Of Suicidal_, please do so if you want to clearly understand Mikan's perspective of the situation. It's not a spoiler, but you can use that as a reference.

**REVIEW!**


	2. The Beginning Part 2

**Her Suicidal Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. :3

**A/N **Okay. This is part TWO of chapter one. After this part, the real story starts. I know I probably disappoint most of my readers with me frequently being MIA, but I promise I will make this story my priority. Yeah? :D

**WARNING: **Short chapter, grammatical errors & no proofread.

**Chapter One- **  
**Part Two**

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_You remind me of the wind._

_I know you aren't there, but I can feel your presence. _

_- Queen Amazing – _

_._

_._

_Breathe…._

My legs begun to ache painfully the further I ran. The wind breeze through my hair, brushing my cheeks harshly. I swung my arms higher as I sprinted faster and faster. Wherever she was, I would find her. No matter what happened, I would always be there. I just hoped she knew that. I just hoped that she had at least a little faith in me.

One dumb thing I forgot to do was ask where Mikan would possibly be. I silently cursed myself for making such a rush decision and running off without knowing her exact location. I slowed my pacing down and reached into my pocket, searching for a tiny device. To my utter disappointment, my pocket was empty. This time, I cursed louder. What the hell was I doing? Why am I acting so stupid at a time like this? God. I tried so hard to protect the ones I cared about, and yet I always seem to let them down. Damn.. If Mikan got hurt, it would all be my fault…

I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and held my breath. I had to clam myself down. I wouldn't be able to find her with his kind of attitude. Mikan would be all right. She had to be. Nothing horrible would happen to her. She was probably off, wandering around the empty streets of San Francisco, in search for food. I softly snickered at the thought. It brought back memories from the times when Mikan first came to the Alice Academy. She was the loud new kid our idiotic English teacher, Narumi adored to no extent. She was the Headmaster's only niece. Mikan was loved in the whole academy. Everyone enjoyed her company. She was always so cheerful and talkative. How can someone like her be… suicidal?

I continued to search for her, calling out her name and asking if anyone had seen her anywhere. I looked everywhere, from the nearest restaurants to the nearest parks. But she was nowhere around.

I was close to giving up when I heard the sound of waves calling out to me. It took me a second to realize how far I got. I was just a block away from the magnificent landmark of San Francisco: the Golden Gate Bridge. I've heard so many stories about this bridge. It was the first thing I saw when we arrived here. Mikan was so excited. She babbled on and on about how much fun we would all have together on our break. It was because of Mikan that we were having a vacation in San Francisco. She even planned to have a picnic somewhere near the Golden Gate Bridge tomorrow afternoon. God. Please don't tell me this was all a big lie.

Then a flash of brown light passed me. My eyes widened. Oh no. It couldn't be… Almost immediately, I felt my foot take a step forward before I found myself sprinting towards the bridge. My arms swung harder than ever and I was so close to flying. There were fogs, clouding my way but I could see a small figure standing on the ledge of the bridge.

It was her.

It was Mikan.

My eyes widened when I saw her crouch down onto her knees, getting ready to dive down into the deep water. She couldn't be thinking of jumping, was she? Once I got closer, I quickly threw myself at her, grabbed hold of her arm and slightly pulled her back to the ground.

"Stop!" I shouted, feeling all of my façade cracking as I bent onto my knees, trying to catch my breath. "Stop!" I repeated.

I took a step back as she hesitantly turned around to face me. For the first time in my sixteen years of living, I felt my heart ache painfully at the sad expression on Mikan's face. Her eyes that were filled with so much emotion were red and puffy, probably from crying. There was a fresh batch of tears filling her eyes. She looked so exhausted and bitter. But I couldn't show her that I was worried, instead, I just glared darkly at her.

"What the hell are you doing?" I questioned firmly, keeping my hard stare. At that moment, she looked so vulnerable. "Answer me!" I insisted when she refused to respond. She stared right back at me, tears flowing down her pale cheeks.

"Why are you here, Natsume?" she cried helplessly.

I sighed. "What you're doing right now is completely stupid. Just get back down. You're going to regret this," I said, dodging her question. Mikan shook her head vigorously. She took a huge amount of breath, and slowly letting air out of her mouth. Mikan seemed hesitant as she hopped back onto the metal bar and tightened her grip onto the railing and shrugged. "Do you even know what I've been going through? Suffering silently alone with nobody to help me?" she mumbled mostly to herself, glancing down beneath her. I couldn't catch the last phrase she said but the fact that she made up her mind about everything shocked me. Was she really just going to throw it all away? I couldn't let her.

"Please. Mikan, don't," I pleaded, finally letting my guard down. I couldn't imagine life without her. Was she actually serious? She couldn't be.

I stared hopelessly at her, waiting for her next move. She didn't say anything but slowly closed her eyes as one small tear slipped down her cheek.

I felt my world crashing down on me. This was a nightmare, and I couldn't wake up from it. "I know what you're thinking. Don't! You don't want this!" I shouted, hoping to knock some senses into her thick head. It didn't seemed like she heard me, but I knew she did. Hopefully she was having second thoughts about jumping off of the bridge.

But…

In a matter of seconds … that was all that it took. You never know how it feels to witness a person dying unless you were there. It was as if you died as well. And that was how I felt, at that very moment.

Mikan stood silently on the railing, before diving down straight into the water. I immediately rushed after her, reaching for her, hoping to be able to grab her hand and pull her back in. But it was too late. It was all too late.

"Nooooo!"

Mikan snapped her eyes open. She looked stocked and surprised. A watery smile crossed her pale face. She never looked so tired. Was this really what she wanted? After all that we've been through? I couldn't let Mikan end her life this way. It was too soon. In a second, I took off my shoes, and removed my blue sweater when I saw Mikan slightly shaking her head. I stopped, and stared at her.

She didn't want to be saved….

I had no idea why, but I listened. It was the last favor I would ever do for her. If she couldn't be saved, then maybe I could've just died with her. But I knew Mikan wouldn't want that.

As Mikan fell to her doom, I faintly saw her mouth move, whispering three words that made my heart clench painfully. She continued to cry until her entire body disappeared into the water. And that was when I finally lost it.

"_I'm sorry, Natsume."_

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**A/N **This is part two of chapter one from Natsume's perspective of Mikan's suicide. I hope you guys enjoyed it. It took me three days instead of two to type this. -_- I'm becoming lazier day by day.

Okay. So there is this issue about Mikan being dead or actually alive. Sorry to burst your bubbles but she's dead. Like erased out of the universe for all eternity. It is not possible to bring her back alive in the story. Sorrrrry. However! Mikan will be mentioned a lot, so yeah. She isn't forgotten. :3

**REVIEW TO MOTIVATE MY LAZY MIND.**


	3. Sumire Shouda

**Her Suicidal Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: **Nope.

**A/N **I'm running out of sad quotes/poems and you should all know how lazy I am already. Anyone want to lend me a few quotes that can be related to this story? I'll give you credit. xD

**Chapter Two-  
Sumire Shouda**

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_You got me so wild.  
How can I ever deny?  
You got me so high.  
So high I cannot feel the fire.  
And you keep telling me,  
Telling me that you'll be sweet,  
And you'll never want to leave my side,  
As long as I don't break these..._

_Promises, and they still feel all so wasted on myself_

**Promises**: Skrillex & Nero Remix –

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**PRESENT DAY**

Three days went by after Mikan's death, but I can still feel her presence. It's as if she never left. But I know she's gone. Nothing will ever be the same again. Things will change drastically.

It hurts. It hurts so much. And it hurts even more to have to hide my feelings away from everyone else. I couldn't show them how I truly felt about her. Nobody knew. And there is no way I'd tell them now.

Back at the bridge, when Mikan sunk deep into the ocean, I felt my world crumbling down into pieces. Just the thought of her dead made me throw up.

For the first time in my life, I panicked, screamed, and cried for someone. I never thought I'd loose her. Ever. Five minutes later, Ruka and the others came running towards me. Just seeing me sobbing on the ground told them what happened. I couldn't talk. They didn't talk either.

For a moment nobody moved. They all just stared at me. Then Imai ran towards the railing and stood where Mikan stood. She glanced down, turned around and looked at me. A tear slipped down from her deep purple eyes. It was the first time I ever saw Hotaru Imai cry.

Ruka tried to help me back up, but I refused to move. I felt lost and scared. I didn't know what else to do but grip onto Ruka's leather jacket as he forced me to stand on my feet. There was a short silence between us before he broke it with a sigh. "Why couldn't you stop her?" he helplessly asked.

I stared cold and hard at him for asking me a ridiculous question but I just closed my eyes and let the tears flow. "She didn't want to be saved," was all I could say.

An ambulance came, followed by dozens of police cars after Imai had the courage to call for help. I remember staring at a flash of blue and red as a bunch of men came out from cars and trucks, going around under the bridge.

People stood by to watch what was happening. They didn't understand. They were just nosy idiots looking for gossip to tell their nosy friends.

I remember standing at the same spot for three hours, watching investigators searching deep into the water, until they finally found a body. Mikan's body. I remember running back to her. I was the only one left.

Everyone else was driven back to the hotel by the ambulance. They insisted me on going back with them, but I refused. I couldn't go back, not until I got to see her one last time.

Mikan…

Her head was fractured. She fell six hundred ninety-two feet down, injuring herself at the same time. There were dozens of sharp rocks beneath. The investigators thought she probably hit her head along the way. They brought her soaked body into the shore and in a way, she looked peaceful.

Her eyes were closed and her lips were dry as sand papers. There were tiny little bumps all over her body. Her shirt, wet and ripped, hugged her waist tightly, and you could see through it. I examined her legs and saw them. Bruises. There were dozens of them. I realize that they weren't from her fall.

Purple. Red. Brown. Yellow.

Some were as big as my thumb and some looked swollen. There were also scar marks all over her body. Some were healing and others looked like they were just fresh cut. What has Mikan been doing to herself? Why was she hurting herself so much? Did she enjoy suffering alone?

And that was the day when I realize that there was more to Mikan than her happy-go-lucky persona. I denied it at first, but then I accepted the fact that it was possible for Mikan to have a dark side.

Narumi was sent to pick us up earlier than our planned departure, in order to bring Mikan's body back to Japan. We couldn't just leave her there. She needed to be brought back home.

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Here we are now, three days later, leaving Mikan's funeral. The sky isn't its usual shade of baby blue with a shinning sun that lit up the entire world. It is dark, and grey. The clouds form slowly into something as gloomy as the atmosphere.

Nobody showed up but the students of Alice Academy. Her uncle was devastated as he refused to see his niece one last time. There is a rumor going around that a student overheard the headmaster screaming in agony and declared to find Mikan's father after Narumi broke the news about Mikan's suicide.

Nobody really knew anything about Mikan's father. She never talked about him.

"Hey, Natume."

I blink twice at the mention of my name and glance up to see my best friend, Ruka, staring at me with a sad expression.

"Everyone wants to have a cup of coffee. Wanna come with?" he asks calmly. I stare at him for a couple of seconds before averting my eyes to the rest of the group. It doesn't look like any of them want to have coffee, but I can tell that they just wanted to look for an excuse in order to get out of this place. I do too. But I need to be alone for a while.

I scratch the back of my head lightly. "You know how much I hate coffee," I say to Ruka.

Ruka's eyes widen. "But you love bitter coffee."

"She hated bitter coffee…"

"But bitter coffee relaxes you."

"She always preferred sweets over bitter things."

"..."

"She complains every time I offer her anything bitter."

"..."

"..."

"Natsume…"

"Yeah?"

"Stop it. I know how difficult this is for you, but what about us?" Ruka says, staring deep into my eyes.

I shrug and tilt my head. "What about you guys?" I ask with fake curiosity.

Ruka sighs, rolling his eyes at me. "You know what?" he stops in an awkward pause. The corner of his mouth slightly twitches as if he is about to cry. "Never mind. If you decide to come join us for coffee, we'll be at Central Town," he finally says.

Ruka crosses his arms over his chest, still staring at me as if waiting for me to say something. I let out a frustrated sigh. "Yeah," I tell him in defeat. "I'll think about it." With an effortless wave, I walk past him, feeling the wind's breeze brushing my cheeks for effect.

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"Natsume-kun."

I turn around to come-face-to face with Sumire Shouda who is standing only inches away from me, with her hands clamp together. Unlike everyone else, her expression is still the same as ever.

It doesn't even seem like the news about Mikan's suicide affected her. She smiles at me as if everything is fine. I stare at her suspiciously.

"Shouda," I respond carefully, eyeing her from head to toe. Now that I am examining her fully, I can see a few changes. Her usually tamed perm green hair is all over the place. The hem of her blouse is wrinkled and Sumire Shouda is known to be one of the 'neatest' girls from Alice Academy. Basically, her 'perfect' image isn't quite perfect at the moment.

As if she notices me staring, Sumire alerts herself by combing strands of hair with her fingers. She gives up after realizing that her hair doesn't want to be tamed.

She lets out an awkward giggle before faking a cough to dismiss the thought. "U-uh, where's everyone else?" she quickly asks, searching around her empty surroundings.

I narrow my eyes. "At the funeral."

She blinks. "Still? How long does the reception last?" She laughs to herself, smiling like a fool.

I roll my eyes at her. "Shouda, what do you want?" I ask her impatiently. She immediately stops laughing and looks at me with a confused expression.

For some reason, I kind of find Sumire suspicious. She is the only person who hasn't showed up at Mikan's funeral, well, maybe she did come, but I hadn't seen her around.

"I-I-I-I-I… I just wanted to say 'hi!" um… hi!" she exclaimed nervously, twirling a stand of green locks with her long finger.

I squint my eyes at her. "You're acting strange," I bluntly say, noticing how she slowly bites the bottom of her lip, as if to say she is guilty.

Sumire glances up with a surprised expression. Her green eyes widen as her mouth fell wide open. "W-wa-wh-"

"And you're stuttering. Sumire Shouda never stutters. What's going on?" I cut her off with a glare. She slightly jumps out of surprise by my sudden accusation as she shakes her head vigorously. "I don't know what you're talking about," she says with an attempt to sound cool, but fail miserably at.

The corner of her mouth twitches uncontrollably and her hands are shaking. When she caught me staring, she quickly hides her hands behind her, smiling at me.

"You know," I start, coming up with an idea to make her come clean. "Mikan wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day with us."

Sumire's widen eyes went even wider, not expecting me to bring up Mikan all of a sudden. She hugged her arm, lightly brushing it with her fingers with an uncomfortable expression. "O-oh," she says softly, almost in a whisper.

I nod in response. The thought of Mikan going on and on about bringing everyone together for Valentine's Day made me let out a sad chuckle. It feels as if we were just together yesterday.

I still remember the way she stares at me with her innocent brown eyes. I never thought she would risk everything just to end her life. She was selfish. Really selfish.

A flash of Mikan's smiling face appears on my mind, taking control over my thoughts. All I can currently think about right now are the things she said, the things she did, the things she didn't do, the things she cried over, and the things that made her laugh.

Then everything ended to where she jumped down the bridge. At that thought, I can feel a bit of myself aching painfully. Sometimes, when I think about Mikan slowly falling, my stomach churns, making me want to throw up my breakfast.

Throwing up is pretty normal for me now, since it happens frequently.

"…. Natsume-kun?"

I snap out of my thoughts at the sound of Sumire's concern voice. She glances at me the way she usually does: admiration. I've known Sumire Shouda since the age of ten. She made a ridiculous fanclub for both Ruka and me.

She gained a lot of followers by the second week after making her 'club' official. It surprised me how influential she was on the members. I know she had and still has feeling for me. She even confessed multiple times on random days. But the results were always the same. I would reject her and she would ask why with her whinny little tone and cry after I told her off.

There were even rumors about how she despised Mikan for being too close to me. People claimed how it wasn't fair that I let Mikan, who was annoyingly similar to Sumire, hang around me all the time.

But they didn't know anything. Mikan was nothing like Sumire. They were both annoying in so many ways, but I can't explain how different Mikan was.

I clear my throat with a fake cough, catching Sumire's attention. She smiles at me kindly yet sickeningly at the same time. Not wanting to waste anymore time standing in the middle of the hallway, I nod at her, a gesture to end our so-called conversation and turn away without another word.

"N-Natsume! Wait!" she calls out, panic in her tone as I quicken my steps. "W-Where are you going?"

I halt on my tracks. "That is none of your concern." Then I continue to walk, ignoring her protests.

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**REVIEW FOR A UNICORN. :3 **


	4. A Case Unsolved

**Her Suicidal Thoughts  
Disclaimer: **Repeating the same thing over and over again is annoying, like really, but I'm kinda used to it now. LOL  
**A/N **Sumire is not, I repeat is NOT a bad guy in this story. There is a reason why she is the way she is. I don't view her as a one-dimensional character with no reason to hate on Mikan. That's just pathetic. :p  
**WARNING: No proofread. Expect mistakes. :3**

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**Chapter Three-  
A Case Unsolved**

"When you fall in love,

All you can think about is your significant other.

Nothing else mattered

And nothing else seemed to mean anything.

Then comes the heartbreak and reality crashes back to you"

- Queen Amazing -

.

* * *

.

"_If I promise to stay, will you leave?" _

"_No." _

"_Excuse me?" _

_Even through the darkness, I faintly saw a huge smile making its way on her face. A deep dimple appeared on the corner of her right cheek. It was so round that it made me have the urge to pinch them roughly. It was a good thing I was able to control my undesired urges to do whatever the heck I was about to do…if that even made any sense. _

"_Hey?" _

_I blinked twice and glanced up to see a brunette clad in a white nightgown. She had one hand rested on the side of her waist, standing with one foot out. Her wavy brown hair was tied up in one high ponytail. When she noticed me staring, she flashed me a wider smile. "Checking me out, Natsume?" she said in a mocking tone. It was so unlike of her to say such a thing that it almost surprised me. _

_I snickered with an eye roll. "Not even close, hag," I muttered in the same tone. _

_She glared daggers at my direction, and puffed out her cheeks. For a moment, she did not say a word and just continued to stare at me. Finally, after one full minute of silence, she lets out a small noise from her lungs before slowly, and dramatically fell onto her knees beside me. _

_I gazed out at the night sky through my window, realizing how the moon was the only light we had in order to see. _

"_Natsume?" _

_I felt a light tug. "You have to promise me," she whispered in a demanding tone. "Promise me you'll stop listening to Persona and doing these so-called 'errands' of his that gets you ending up at the hospital with injuries. Natsume, you could get killed!" she exclaimed. _

_I shifted into a comfortable position, turning slightly in a way where I could face her properly. What took my breath away were the sad expression she showed and the way her brown eyes twinkled with tears. Her face pleaded me to agree to her promise. That was all she wanted and then she'll be satisfied. She cared about me so much that she would even be persistent just to make sure I was safe. And I hated her for that. I hated her for worrying over my safety every single day when she should mind her own business. Yet at the same thing, I liked her caring too much about me. It sounded selfish, but it was nice to know that there was someone who actually gave two fucks about me. And I couldn't ask for more. _

"_Natsume?" a sigh. "You keep spacing out so much nowadays…. See?" another sigh. "This is what Persona does to you. He makes you patrol alone around the academy at night, making sure that no trespassers goes in, but that's not all! He makes you do things a sixteen year old shouldn't even know how to do! How the hell do you think I'd react to that? I am not just going to sit around, and wait for you to get hurt and tend your wounds. Okay? I hate blood and you know how it freaks me out. Especially when it won't stop flowing! Gosh Natsume!" _

"…_."_

"_And would you for once stop thinking about everyone else but yourself? How can you be happy when you're always getting hurt? No wonder why you're so bitter and mean." _

"…_." _

"_You need something sweet inside of you, you know that? Ooooh! Maybe you can try some of my fluff puffs! I've got boxes of them at my room!" a pause. "But no. That's a horrible idea, because my fluff puffs are my fluff puffs. I can't really share with anyone…. Not even with Hotaru. I hope you're okay with that." _

"…_." _

"_Oh gosh. Now I'm being selfish… Uh. Wait. What were we talking about again?" another pause. "And why do you want my fluff puffs? Since when do you even like fluff puffs? I thought you said you hated sweets?" _

"…_."_

_I stared at her as she mentally argued with herself. "Uh. Are you done?" I asked sarcastically. _

_She flashed me an attempt glare to frighten me, which she failed miserably at. "Just say you promise me!" she demanded loudly. _

_I sighed, rolled my eyes at her, and shrugged. "I promise," I said in a low tone. "Now are you happy?" I asked mockingly. _

_Fortunately, just those tiny little words turned her frown upside down as she showed me the biggest and brightest smile in the whole wide world. "Yes. I am." _

_._

* * *

_._

"A dream?"

I nod, making sure to keep my expression blank. As we walk through the hallway, people give us way, knowing how I don't like it when they block my path. The news about Mikan hasn't died down yet. People stare wherever I go. They try to act as if everything is normal, but I know they're talking about me. Just like any individual, they have no idea on what really happened. They can't and won't ever understand the feeling of suffering alone, wondering what you did wrong to make someone have the thought to suicide. Even though deep inside I am screaming in pain and confusion, I remain calm on the outside. I can't show any weakness and there is no way I'm letting anyone know how much Mikan's death affected me. I am a witness, but that doesn't mean I'd break down.

I can feel Ruka staring at me with questions swirling through his mind. I know he badly wants to ask but doesn't.

"It was the night before I left for a mission. Not just any mission. The mission when everything went out of control…." I let out a sigh of frustration. "I don't know why I had that dream. Ruka. I don't know why I'm even having these kind of dreams," I confess in a low voice.

Ruka suddenly halts, making me arch a confused brow at him. "What kind of dreams?" he asks curiously, blocking the way of anyone trying to get to class. I shrug, leaning on a locker I found behind me. "Everything that happened. But they're all about Mikan. I remember there was one when I first met her. When she became my partner. When I asked her to the Christmas dance," I say in a rush, letting all the memories out.

Ruka blinks, nodding as if he actually understands what I'm going through. "So basically, you're reliving everything that happened through your dreams?" He stares at me with a serious gaze. "Or maybe it's because you really miss her?" he suggests.

I shrug. "I'm not so sure anymore," I tell him honestly. It's the truth. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think at this point. Mikan left us without a word. She didn't even explain her situation to anyone. She didn't try to talk to anyone about it!

_Or maybe she did but nobody would listen to her…._

I catch Ruka staring at me with a concern expression. I quickly brush the thought away. "We better get to class," I say, trying to change the topic. Ruka gives me a what-the-hell-did-you-just-say look, which only makes me smirk. "What?" I feign a look of hurt when Ruka crosses his arms over his chest. "I sometimes attend classes too, you know," I say confidently, my smirk widening.

"Yeah, but you don't normally _try_ to be there on time," he responds truthfully.

I shrug. "Who says we'll be there on time? Come on. Let's go get something to drink first. I'm a bit thirsty. Are you?" I ask, walking to a different direction. Ruka chuckles, shaking his head as he softly nudges me on the ribs. I roll my eyes and nudge him back.

.

* * *

.

"That's enough for today. Come back for your night training, Natsume. Don't be late. Dismiss," Persona simply says. With his hands stuffed inside the pockets of his long, black winter coat, he smiles grimly at me before calmly walking past me.

I stood up from the grassy ground, dusting the bottom of my jeans and straighten my wrinkled shirt. The corner of my eye caught a strand of green leaf on the right side of my arm. As I try to reach out and brush it off, a sudden pain rushes through my veins as strong as electricity, making me collapse onto my knees. I groan, barely with a breath to spare. I clutch tightly onto my damaged arm, and I can feel the pain sinking in like sharp daggers, piercing through every flesh of my body. My eyes widen as the aching feeling increases. For a second I thought I am having an asthma attack. With my uneven breath, it is hard trying to stay cool. Swirls of thoughts circles my mind, making me dizzy. Unconsciously, I grit my teeth, hoping for the pain to go away, but it wouldn't. Persona has been mercilessly violent. The weapons and equipment we use for training wasn't the only problem. His physical and self-defense method were harsh and brutal. It's like he's pushing me to improve, even if it meant killing me in the end.

My body feels like something is burning inside and sweat continue to drip down the side of my face until it covered my entire forehead in a thin gloss. I slowly drop on my back. The pain is still there and it wouldn't stop. I groan and groan until my entire world literally turned blank.

When I am conscious again, I find myself lying down on a soft mattress. My vision is a bit blurry as I try to squint my eyes in order to see clearly. I can faintly see bright color of pink all around me. The unfamiliar scent of strong, girly perfume makes my nose wrinkle and my head feel numb. I groan loudly when the pain came back.

"Oh! You're awake," a cheery voice suddenly exclaims. I feel two cold hands touching my arm, making me wince. "Ah. Sorry. You were bleeding awful lot, Natsume-kun. I brought you back to my room to tend your wounds."

I grit my teeth and rub my eyes roughly with the back of my hand. "Shouda," I say softly, "Why did you bring me here?"

Sumire stares at me with confused eyes. "… You were unconscious on the ground, Natsume-kun. I-I couldn't just leave you there. Nobody was around when I came by, and we were closer to the girls' dormitory house so I brought you here," she quickly explains.

I nod, understanding. "You should've just left me there, Shouda. That was a bad choice you did there, saving my ass just because you're into me," I bluntly tell her, nothing but seriousness in my voice. Even when her green eyes widen out of surprise, I did not show her any expression.

She softly pats my arm, which is wrapped around a white bandage. I wince again. "Don't do that," I groan painfully.

She lets out a nervous chuckle. "Sorry!" Sumire flashes me a smile before taking a seat beside me on the ledge of her bed. "And yes, I like you Natsume. I like you so much that it hurts me to know you won't give _us_ a chance but you paid so much attention to her. It hurts me to know after _years_ of chasing you, I failed, only to loose to some other girl who barely tried. What I really don't understand is_ – _oh my god. I think this sounds like another confession, huh Natsume? I bet you're getting tired of hearing me repeat every single cheesy word. I just _– _I just really don't know what I have to do in order for you to realize that I might be the right girl for you. Natsume – I'm in love with you," she says the last words softly, almost like in a whisper.

I narrow my eyes. "If you really do, then you'll tell me the truth," I say, pretending about the fact that she just confessed to me for the umpteenth time. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for either ignoring her, or rejecting her. But she should really take a hint and realize that I'm just not interested. This is why everybody thinks I'm such a _bad player_. How can you call someone a 'player' when they've never been in a relationship, never went on dates, and never flirted? Not everyone can define the term 'player' when they use it in a sentence? Ironic, isn't it?

A soft tap on the shoulder snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink twice to see Sumire staring at me in confusion. "About what?" she asks curiously.

"About you and Mikan." I tell her.

Sumire bites the bottom of her lip. She looks down at her lap and I catch her clenching her fists. "Why does she matter?" she asks mostly to herself. A sigh escapes from her lips as she glances up to stare at me. "Why does everything have to do with her? Mikan's dead, Natsume. She's dead! Is she that important to you – because she never cared! She was selfish. She never cared about you, Natsume. Never. If you think about it carefully, you'll figure out that she's a total bi–" I hear a sound of sharp, blistering hit and it takes a while to realize that it came from me.

My eyes widen. I can feel my breath caught on my throat as I struggle for words to say. Holy shit… I-I can't believe it. I actually sl– "You slapped me!" Sumire shrieks, rubbing her sore right cheek with her thumb. Her dark green eyes brims with tears. She ducks down and I can faintly hear her whimpering quietly.

"Shouda," I try to reach out to her, but she lightly brushes me off, rejecting my touch. I sigh, shaking my head. "Look. I didn't mean to – it wasn't on purpose – you badmouthed Mi – I'm just – you get the fucking point."

Sumire gingerly looks up. Her are eyes swelled up, and glassy. She flashes me a watery grin and nods. "I-I accept your fail attempt to apologize properly," she pauses to let out a sad laugh and wipes the small tear on the corner of her eye. " – And since you really care so much about her, I'll tell you everything. But will you promise not to hate me once you know?"

I shrug.

She sighs.

I nod with a lazy wave to urge her to start.

Sumire looks at me, letting out a nervous chuckle. "On the day Narumi-sensei introduced Mikan to the class, I recognized her right away. She was the same girl I saw with you!" she exclaims.

I flash her a puzzled look and my brows furrows. "What are you talking about?" I ask her impatiently.

"I came early to class before everyone else like usual and I was in the verge of falling asleep when I looked out at the window. A smile appeared on my face when I saw you, but I was also confused. You were walking towards the gate, where there was a black van parked in front. Narumi-sensei was standing there, waiting for you. At first I thought they were taking you away, but then _someone_ else came out of the van. It was a girl. It was Mikan. My eyes followed her as she stood in front of you, with her hand out-stretched in front of her. I thought: _what a dumb girl! Natsume-kun would never shake her hand. She should just save herself from getting embarrassed and walk away. _But to my utter surprise, you shook her hand –"

"You started to hate her because I shook her hand? Shouda, are you stupid or simply a nut job?" I cut in, flashing her a short glare.

She immediately shakes her head, and raises her arms out defensively. "No! I-I never said I hated her. – Okay, maybe I didn't like her, but I never hated Mikan. Who can hate someone like her?" she scoffs.

I raise a brow and point a lazy finger at her. "You," I bluntly say.

She rolls her eyes. "Now I'm beginning to think you're just here to mock me." She pouts, but it isn't as cute as the way Mikan pouts. When Mikan pouts, it made her look like a lost puppy. However, when Sumire pouts, she looks like an overweight blowfish with thick red lipstick.

"First, you brought me here. Second, stop stalling," I simply say, my jaw set in a frown to show her I am being serious.

Sumire averts her gaze away from me. "I wasn't stalling. If you didn't interrupt me, I would still be explaining what happened," she says with a soft giggle. "A-Anyway, it wasn't because you shook her hand that got me upset. It was the fact that she immediately got so close to you as if you two have been friends since forever. And what ticked me off more was when she came into our classroom, acting like the shyest girl in the whole planet. Want to know my first impression on her? She was as fake as a plastic Barbie doll. I saw the way she was staring at her fingers and how she squirmed when Narumi-sensei touched her. I didn't like her straight away and I had a devious idea to make her feel a little 'welcomed'," a pause. "I quickly pulled out a piece of binder paper and wrote a note and made everyone pass it around."

I blink. "What did the note say?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I forgot what the exact words were, but it had something to do with Mikan being too 'fastidious' and a 'hygienic freak'. Because of that, I made most of the class surround her during P.E. at the back of the gym after I told Wakako to give her the wrong directions." Sumire suddenly stops to flash me a nervous look. Her eyes narrow as she hesitates to continue. "When we finally got Mikan Sakura surrounded, I had so many ideas running through my mind that I wasn't so sure which one to start off with. And then I remembered the note I passed around. Something clicked inside of me, as if what I was about to do next was going to be one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever done in my life. I remember hearing Mikan begging us to leave her alone before I made everyone throw rocks and dirt at her," she regretfully confesses.

At this newfound information, I pull Sumire's shoulders and grasp tightly onto them, shaking her roughly out of instinct. I stare at her, unable to believe what I just heard her say. "Y-You made them _throw_ rocks and dirt at her? What the fuck were you thinking? You could've seriously gotten her injured!" I cannot keep control of my anger and frustration anymore. My fingers shake uncontrollably as I tighten my grip on Sumire's shoulders. She winces in pain as she struggles to peal my fingers away.

"Natsume-kun! You're hurting me. Please stop it!" she begs desperately, trying to squirm her way out of my grasp.

I grit my teeth, knowing full well that Mikan wouldn't want this. Sumire deserves to be punished, but not by me. Her guilt will consume her, and she will grieve over the consequences. I can't just 'avenge' Mikan by squeezing Sumire to death. It isn't right, and I am also at fault. I just don't know why.

After pleading desperately to let go and apologizing for the umpteenth time, I finally released her.

"So that was why Mikan had bandages and bruises all over her arms and legs the next day. There was a long scar line on the corner of her brow. It's so small that it wasn't really noticeable but I saw it. She said she fell trying to reach a book and that the ladder crashed her. She lied just so you wouldn't get in trouble. She wasn't as clumsy as people thought she was. And Mikan never reads unless it had anything to do with fluff puffs. That was obvious but I never said anything. I even made a joke about it…. Holy shit…"

"…."

"Is there anything else I should know?"

For a moment the room becomes silent and the only thing we can hear is the sound of the trees rustling out from the window. "Yes," Sumire whispers, breaking all silence. "Two weeks after the incident, I saw Mikan eating lunch with you and Ruka-kun. She was talking so familiar with him and would laugh with a carefree attitude. I thought she was mocking me, mentally calling me a fool for harassing her. I got really pissed off, you know? I didn't want to back down and look like I surrendered. So I asked for help."

I scratch the back of my head.

"From whom?"

"Persona."

.

* * *

.


	5. When I First Met Her

**Her Suicidal Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: **Disclaimed.

**A/N Read the note at the end of chapter.**

**Extra Chapter:** First Meeting

* * *

Things happen for a reason.

You won't know why at first, and maybe you'll never find out.

But there is always a reason to everything.

This was what she told me.

She believed that life was full of surprises.

I never agreed.

Because I thought I could predict our future...

I guess I was wrong

And she was right.

_**April, Spring. Years before.**_

"Hi! I'm Mikan Sakura."

She was the headmaster's niece, and special treatment wasn't a surprise. I was fifteen when I first met her. Ever since I was enrolled into the academy, I've been assigned several missions to complete because I was Alice Academy's most faithful lapdog. I never complained about any of the missions given to me nor have I ever showed any emotions. The authority treated me like crap but it was pointless trying to run away. Everyday I felt as if my life was slowly draining away and I always looked forward to the day where all my miseries could finally end. But now that I think about it, living is the true source of happiness because we meet people who make a huge impact in our lives, whether they know it or not.

"Mikan is the headmaster's favorite niece, so please take care of her."

It was on a Tuesday morning when Narumi barged into my room without knocking just to make me escort Mikan Sakura, a new student of Alice Academy. Two weeks before, during one of my trainings with Persona, I was told that the headmaster requested me to guide his beloved niece to the academy, keeping her away from any harm or danger. You see, he was overprotective of her. I learned about Mikan through her files – yes, the academy kept tabs on her. Her mother died after giving birth, which was a huge shock to her father. He fell into a deep depression that he let himself go, affecting Mikan's life in the process. Growing up, Mikan never really had an adult figure to be by her side. On weekends, and on holidays, she would leave home to stay with her grandfather. Once or twice or whenever he had the chance, her grandfather tried convincing her to move in with him. The offer was probably too tempting because in the file, it said that she spent two weeks thinking about it, but in the end, she declined.

When Mikan was twelve-years-old, her father became worse by drinking, smoking inside the house, and verbally abusing her. She wanted to escape from the nightmare she was living in and be with her grandfather, but she couldn't just leave her father. She loved him too much. There were no mentions of physical abuse or any type of harassment besides being neglected, but maybe there was something more that went on between Mikan and her father that wasn't on the file.

Izumi Yukihara. I heard so many stories about this man; he was supposedly one of academy's favorite teachers. Everyone loved him, or so I've heard. He came to teach after his brother – the headmaster, took him away from his motorcycle gang and claimed that he had more potential in life than running a stupid gang. He met Mikan's mother, Yuka Azumi on his second day of teaching. Instantly, they became friends. Over the years, Izumi looked after Yuka and treated her like his own little sister. Izumi was thirty-six-years-old when Yuka, (who was eighteen-years-old at that time) confessed her feelings to him. Soon after her confession, they began a secret romance that only they –the headmaster included, knew. Izumi Yukihara was intelligent, wise, kind-hearted, clumsy, honest – everything Mikan was. But ever since loosing Yuka, Izumi's world fell apart.

"_Favorite?_" I remember spitting the word in disgust. "She's the headmaster's only relative now. How can he have any favorites?"

As expected, a loud, obnoxious gasp left Narumi's lips as his purple wide eyes widened even more. His lips twitched as he was obviously shocked by my comment. He glared at me before taking a quick look at the girl from the corner of his eye.

He crossed his arms. "Natsume!" he screamed my name as if it were a curse. "That's rude. You're supposed to make Mikan feel welcomed," he said, this time with a softer tone.

I didn't know what was going on with me, but I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I was always in a foul mood and it took time to calm me down.

Maybe it was out of guilt or denial, but I refrained from glancing at Mikan Sakura that day. I didn't want to see her reaction or the sadden expression on her face when I purposely insulted her when we just met. But she surprised me. She really did.

"T-That's okay, Narumi-sensei," she said calmly, without a hint of anger. "I'm not offended at all."

I still didn't turn to look at her and instead, I kept my gaze at the trees swaying side-by-side to my right. That day was every peaceful and I was tempted to just drop everything and climb onto one of those magnificent trees to relax. But I knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon while I was in charge looking after an annoying new student.

I felt the wind lightly brushing my cheeks as my ears caught the sound of leaves scattering all over the black cement. For a moment I closed my eyes to take in my surroundings, not caring about anything or anyone. And then a flash of brown passed through my closed eyelids.

"I love the smell of spring. It's just too lovely," she began softly. "Are there cherry blossoms growing in the Alice Academy?"

"Yes, of course," I heard Narumi laugh freakishly. "There are plenty of them right now! Perfect for the season."

At that moment, I realized we both had something in common, which was really odd and weird. I didn't say anything and just pretended not to be affected by her. She kept giggling and gushing over how peaceful and beautiful the season of spring was.

"I love spring! When I younger, my grandfather would take me to the spring festival at night. I love festivals! They're full of booths, games, and people! Every year, I make lots and lots of new friends. Are there festivals during spring in the academy?"

I twitched at the way she spoke. I knew then that I would definitely regret escorting her around, but this was a mission, and I always complete every mission. No matter how tough it could be.

"Yes!" Narumi said eagerly, "Festivals are a common event here in the academy. We take them very seriously to make sure all of our students have the time of their lives. There is a gallery of pictures from the previous years –if you would like to see them. Natsume will tour you around as well, if you'd like."

I twitched once more at the mention of my name.

"Huh?" I saw a shadow of a girl coming closer to me. "Oh! You must be Natsume Hyuuga. Uncle told me about you when he called two days ago."

I felt my body stiffen but I remained calm and kept my eyes away from her. "Hmm," I mumbled uninterestedly.

She let out a strange noise before she suddenly stood in front of me with her cheeks puffed and her hands on both sides of her hips. I blinked twice, surprised by how close she was that I could almost feel her breathing against my skin.

I cleared my throat, glaring at her. "Do you mind?!" I barked, backing away to put space between us.

She jumped slightly on her tip-toes. "Oh! Was I too close?" she asked in a high-pitched voice. I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry! It just looked like you were ignoring me." Well, I obviously was succeeding until she came up to my face.

Before I knew what was happening, she came in on me again, and this time, with her hand extended. A bright smile was plastered on her face. It looked really creepy –to be honest. But Koko did tell me once that girls were creepy and scary creatures. I couldn't agree even more.

"I'm Mikan Sakura! And you are?"

I stared blankly at her small pale hand. And then I remembered her question.

"Don't you already know my name?" I grumbled harshly, arching a brow. I know I was being a total jerk to her. She was only trying to introduce herself to me, and I know she had been through so many shit that treating her like this wasn't fair. But I had my own problems to deal with. I couldn't afford risking another innocent person to get hurt by letting her into my life. She was too pure and I was nothing but tainted.

However, she surprised me again.

She giggled, covering her mouth with her free hand. "Yes, but I'd like to hear it from you. Silly," she giggled once more. I rolled my eyes, noticing how her hand was still waiting for me to shake it.

"I'm germophobic."

She tilted her head. "Really? You don't seem like one."

It took me a while to respond.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Whoa. Whoa." She backed away slowly, raising both hands in front of her in defense. Her hazel brown eyes widened as her small body stiffened. For the first time, I saw a sudden shock of fear in her eyes. "No need to get soooo defensive, sir. I just thought you were the type who liked getting his hands dirty. Uncle told me how you love burning things down for no reason and getting into trouble. I thought he was wrong by the way he described your personality –someone who cared about his friends and family. Who puts himself last before everyone, but now-"

"Wait a minute," I remember cutting off in a huff. For some odd reason, my mind was having a hard time processing what was going on that day. I've never met anyone stranger than Mikan Sakura. She was loud, weird, and downright blunt. I couldn't keep up with her. "Did you just call me a 'sir'?"

She blinked three times, opening and closing her mouth. Maybe if I squinted my eyes, I would've caught the slight red tint growing on her cheeks. "Yes!" she admitted loudly, suddenly acting all shy and weird. "It's only because you wouldn't introduce yourself to me. It's rude not to tell someone your name after they told you theirs. I don't know what else to call you," she quickly continued, pouting for effect.

It was a good thing I showed no emotions, because I probably would've lost it laughing. Actually, it surprised me that the thought even crossed my mind. I mean, laughing?! Me?! I hadn't laughed since I was ten-years-old when I lost both my mother and sister from an arson. Since then, my whole world came crashing down. My father lost his mind and spent the rest of his days mourning and regretting shit he didn't do. I never did anything to comfort him, because I was hurting too, and no one was there to help me. And that was when the academy took me away.

Maybe Mikan was just like me. We both lost those who we loved so much. She was alone deep inside and she needed someone badly. That someone was supposed to be me. Too bad eventually I'd let her down.

Sighing out of frustration, I quickly grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. She gave me a confused look as she glanced at our entwined hands uncomfortably. With a shaky finger, she pointed at it. "W-Why?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I simply faked a grin. "I'm shaking your hand, obviously," I said slowly.

She giggled nervously. "Ohhh…."

I probably didn't know then, but the first time Mikan and I met was the beginning of our adventure together. We would go through so much together as we both grow from our mistakes. She'll make her way through my thick heart and break me into pieces. I didn't know why, but I felt confident all of a sudden –as if my life was starting to get better when Mikan stepped into it. But I never would've thought she would leave in a tragedy.

I inhaled sharply, knowing that I would somehow regret this. "My name's Natsume Hyuuga. Nice to meet you, Mikan Sakura."

* * *

**A/N** I lost my inspiration for this story, but I really don't want to stop halfway and leave it cliffhanging. It's not fair for any of my readers and myself. I've been trying to get back on writing the upcoming chapters (I have a note of ideas stashed somewhere) but I still can't. It's been like what? Two? Three months since I last updated? I really thought I would be able to finish HST by now. So, I've come to the decision of extending the amount of chapters this story will have. Every time I'm stuck on a chapter or have the feeling of giving up, I'll write a short little segment related to HST.

That's all.


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